End of the World: How to Prepare

There’s yet another end of the world prophecy going around. Some idiots are preparing by selling all their worldly goods and quitting their jobs and budgeting their spending to go broke at the moment of destruction.

This is not the proper way to prepare for the End of the World.

First off, lets straighten out that idea. One does not prepare for the End of the World; One prepares for the contingency that the world does not end.

That means it’s a bad idea to skip that last car payment.

Preparing for the end of the world is easy. Live a good life and maintain a good relationship with your gods if you have any.

Preparing for a long life is hard. Budgeting for retirement, getting up every day and going to our jobs (or if we don’t have jobs we probably have spouses that don’t appreciate all the effort that goes into being a stay-at-home parent), and most of us have a boss to put up with, is all hard work. We also have to raise our families so that they can properly prepare for the World to not End.

I suppose that’s why End of the World cults are so popular. Some folks are sick of all the hard work it takes to live another day. I’m not talking about suicidal people. That’s a much more serious issue. I’m talking about people who don’t want to work at living, which is surprisingly different than people that want to die.

Imagine preparing for the world to end: Professing your love to that taboo target of your desire, confessing your taboo desires to your significant other, spending all your savings and discontinuing your source of income, and praying to your god to show mercy and accept your apologies and imperfections.

And then the world doesn’t end.

You’d be screwed, and it would probably be a long time before that statement would be a double entendre. You’d lose your home and your car or at least your apartment and gas money.  And you’d be stuck with a relationship with your god that seemed like a fair-weather friendship, if not outright using him or her only when you need them. Its’ just a bad time to try to, in the words of Capt. Reynolds, “…make peace with your dear and fluffy Lord.”

In most ways we should be living every day as if the world could end the next day. Don’t keep metaphysical baggage buried in the closet with the skeletons. If you insist on a confession, write it down for your attorney to hand out at the reading of your will. If you need forgiveness to have peace, ask for it in plenty of time for the potential forgiver to process your contrition.

Maintain a relationship with your god(s) of choice. Don’t suddenly find your religion when you become aware of your mortality.

If the End of the World doesn’t happen, you don’t want to be in a situation where you wish it did. If the End of the World ever does come, and someday it will, (Current theories put the Earth as non-habitable in about a billion years.) there will be nothing for you to worry about anymore. That’s it, it’s just over. Period.

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About wilogden

Wil Ogden was destined to be a wastrel but thwarted fate. During his second junior year in high school he discovered he had a muse and a talent for writing. Despite taking almost a decade to complete a bachelor's degree by changing majors eleven times, he managed to grow up. Along the way he worked as a blacksmith, a record store manager, a candy store manager, too many years in food service, a four year stint in the USAF, and finally settled down into Information Technology, which he uses to pay the bills and support his family of himself, his wife, son, seven daughters, two dogs, three cats, six chickens, a snake, a ferret and two parakeets.

Posted on May 9, 2011, in Tripe. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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